Muziekschool - Pianostudio - "LaPianissima"
Maarssen - Nederland - o.l.v. Lana Gnus
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The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"
*10 Reasons not
to play the piano*
10. More than any other instrument, your rear end will fall asleep.
9. You have to be tall enough to reach the brake pedals.
8. Sharps aren’t any harder to play than normal notes, but then, composers always ask for tons of them.
7. You have to read two staves at once, usually with tons of notes (very difficult).
6. People associate you with conductors because practically all conductors are pianists.
5. You have to explain that the real name of the instrument is the “pianoforte”.
4. People will refer to you as a “penist”.
3. Your hands will become the size of golf umbrellas.
2. Clipping your fingernails too short is worse than knocking out an oboist’s front teeth.
1. You only have to tune your instrument once every nine months, but it costs two hundred dollars.
to play the piano*
(also by Scott the
5. Simply playing the music will teach you more music theory than you’ll care to talk about.
4. People will respect you as being a very talented and skilled musician.
3. You will play music so complicated and exciting that you can make a bigger impression on an audience than an entire orchestra.
2. No reeds, strings, bows, tonguing, spit, intonation problems, difficulty on sharps, breathing problems, string technique, or anything else to worry about.
1. Press they key, get the note. What could be simpler?
A: A flat minor.
Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.
Q: What do you say to an army officer as you're about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
A: Be flat, major.
Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.
Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.
Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.
Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.
Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
A: Root position cords.
A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.
Why are pianists fingers like
The piano player went into a bar but kept fidgeting so much that he could not enjoy his drink. Finally the bartender asked him what was wrong. The piano player replied, "My keys, my keys! I can't seem to find my keys!"
A pianist is playing in a seedy, Mafia-owned tavern in South Jersey..it's 11:55 PM, and he's 5 minutes away from the end of his gig. The owner's assistant comes up to the pianist and says:
"Da boss wants you should play Strangers In Da Nite."
The henchman continues: "Da boss wants you should play it in
The henchman goes on: "Da boss wants you should play it in 5/4
So the pianist improvises an introduction, and as he gets to the opening notes of the song, he hears, in a really ugly, raspy voice behind him:
"Strangers in-da-friggin' night....exchanging glances; Strangers in-da-friggin' night ..."
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Goodness!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen ..."
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a musician."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"
Three guys are in a bar and begin discussing anual incomes. The first guy brags and says that he made $136,000 last year with salary and bonuses. The second guy inquires, "What do you sell?" The second guy then tops the first by bragging that his total anual income was $410,000 due to stock options and investments. The first guy is impressed and asks, "Who is your broker?" The first and second guy look at the third and ask, "How much money did you make last year?". The third guy replies rather embarassed, "$52,000" The second guy replies, "We had no idea you were a musician. What instrument do you play?"
Why did Mozart kill his
"I'm told that Wagner's music is not as bad as it sounds." - Mark Twain
A little boy was complaining to his friend, "My mom won't let me watch
public television anymore!"
Q: What does new age music sound like played
Q: What happens when you play "the blues"
Q: What happens when you play country western music
Q: What happens when you play Beethoven
Thought for the day: